Chickens With Pants

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knowing really IS half the battle!

prevJan. 28, 2004 - 3:59 p.m.next

Let's face it: there was nothing that sucked more than when the rubber band inside a G.I. Joe broke. Nothing. First off, there was no way you could fix it. Usually it didn't actually break, either, it just came unhooked from the lower body. But you could NOT ever hook it back.

So what are we left with? An upper body, complete with a head and arms. A mid-section that looks like a pair of briefs that perfectly match the soilder's pants. And two little legs, dangling from what looks to be a mini-clothes hanger.

What can we do with this "new" guy? Well, actually, we have a few options (believe it or not).

A) He gets hit by missles... a lot. He's just standing there (certainly can't be walking around, can he?), minding his own business... no... he's a soilder...umm.. he's standing guard in one of the towers, when all of the sudden he gets hit by a missle. Not the tower, him. He gets hit by an enemy missle and is blown into pieces! Three, to be exact. Anyway, it's okay, because his falling body parts (two dangling legs on a clothes hanger) land among the other soilders on the ground and alert them that Cobra is attacking. The element of suprise is lost! Well, except on the tower guard, who certainly didn't see the missle coming towards his stomach.

B) He climbs out of holes. Or falls down a hole. Anyway, his upper body is placed on the carpet, and suddenly, he's in a hole. Very simple.

C) He climbs into holes. This involves placing his legs upside down on the carpet, feet in the air. Again, very simple.

Sometimes, a missing body part could be used for good. But only if you had an imaginative and slightly pyromaniacal older brother like I did (say hello to Jason, everyone). We had a cocker spaniel who decided to perform surgery on a Dreadnaught named Monkeywrench. She thought that his lower right leg had gangrene, so she decided to remove it. Jason, being the excellent surgeon he is, used a lighter to heat the leg at the knee, and then stuck half a toothpick into it, rendering Monkeywrench with a peg-leg. We now had a full-fledged pirate in the ranks of Cobra.

Also, one of the pegs holding Zeranda's head into her body broke, so, although her head would stay on if you wanted it to, she could also reach up and take her head off. Pretty freaky! She became some sort of witch or something, like in Return to Oz. ...umm...she could also poke her head out of holes and look down holes, as well.

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