Feeling Stepped On, But Still Alive

prevDec. 04, 2003 - 11:29 p.m.next

But then the narrator says, "First, there is Ebeneezer Scrooge," and for that half a second before I turn around and face the audience, I am reminded why I do this.

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This has been a terribly rough week. I ache physically and emotionally. I've gained about 10 pounds. But through it all, 3 old friends and 1 new one have been there for me. Some of my friends know me better than I realise, and these people have stayed beside me no matter what. That is a mighty consolation. I do my best to remind myself of that when I'm faced with dealing with who I am and what others think about me. My ex-fiance is one of my best friends, for crying out loud! If she hasn't walked away from me, hating me, then there must be good in me, right?

I realised earlier today that I've known Carr!e and Sean for 8 years now. Eight freakin years! That's crazy...I moved around so much in childhood that I never even knew anyone for eight years before. I'm coming up on the anniversary of my first date with Carrie as well. We saw Toy Story and then my truck sort of broke down in the parking lot of the theater. There was a slight dusting of snow on the ground and it was a beautiful night. Eight years...wow. We were so young.

Anyway...I have NO idea what I was even talking about. I guess I was just trying to remind myself that I'm not as bad as I sometimes feel. I guess that's the main thing. ...and I wish I was taller.

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