John Waite said, "I can lie to myself."

prevSept. 20, 2005 - 2:50 a.m.next

Back in NC. Have stayed uber busy since getting back. Sean has decided I pretty much must make up for not seeing him for four months... and he seems determined to do that in one week. Good times, though. We went to Carr!e's for an overnight stay and had a great time. Trivial Pursuit, Pottsville beer, driving all over, lots of laughs. Glad to see her again.

I miss Mel, though. We've talked a couple times on the phone just to see how each other is, to tell something of importance, but just kind of like chatting. Even before Alaska we talked everyday...now there's a void. The other night she said, "I miss you," and her voice started to shake. I said, "You too," but then quickly got off the phone because I couldn't let it start down that road. I know this isn't easy for either of us, but it's killing me. I want to be there for her when she has her surgery this week. I want to be there to bring her something to drink if she needs it, or move the hair out of her face if it falls. I know a lot of people who read this (if there still are any) might not want to hear this, but I love her. I love that girl and losing her makes me cry at night. Makes me cry right now as I type that sentence. Even if she doesn't believe it, I didn't want to lose her...but I just didn't know how to fight for her. I don't think she wanted me to, anyway. I don't know if we could have worked through all of our problems, but .....nevermind. I don't know. Anyway...I miss you, Melanie.

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