Trapped Like a Lab Animal!

prevOct. 22, 2003 - 12:37 p.m.next

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"Remove any metal objects from your pockets and beltbuckle if you have one."

"What about body jewelry?"

"What all do you have?"

Not for the first time in my life, I was glad I wasn't Aaron or Rob. "Only a nipple and my tongue," I said.

"Yeah, take them out. They'll show up on the scan if you don't."

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Next, I was told to lie down on board about 15 inches wide. "Steady, Magoo," I told myself. The nurse then strapped my feet down, and pulled a foot-wide Velcro strap around my body to hold my arms at my side. I was trapped! Seriously. I began to worry about Carr!e ever having to have a bone scan, and prayed that she wouldn't. I realised in a few moments that her worst nightmare hadn't even started yet.

Soon, a huge doughnut type thing started passing around me. It got to my head... and stopped. A large, flat platform then dropped to (I kid you not!) 1/4 of an inch from my face. It stayed there. And stayed there. Now, I've been in some really tight places before. I've slept in the over-head compartment on a charter bus. I've been in holes where you could only use the pushing of your toes to move forward. This, however, this was pretty nerve wracking! Arms and legs strapped down, body in a tube, sight completely obscured. I realised that someone was laughing nervously, and had been for some time...then I realised it was me. That, of course, made me laugh for real, so I'm pretty sure the nurses think I'm some crazy.

Eventually, the doughnut did start moving. It scanned my front, spun upside down to scan my back, then it scanned my ankles. The nurse unstrapped me and said, "Okay, now just roll over onto your right side and we'll--"

"There's more?"

"Just one."

"Could I please go to the bathroom before we do it? I don't think I'll make it any longer."

You see, each scan lasted about 10 minutes (or so it seemed, having to pee like a Russian race horse), so, even though I had gone right before the scans started, I'd had to go for quite some time. I went, had my last scan, and then went again. I'm still going. I have to go now, as a matter of fact.

*whew*

Then I came home, ripped up the carpet in the study, ripped up the carpet pad, ripped up the carpet grabber (what holds it in place), and all of that before 4pm. Also hung out with Meredith, and then went to Lowe's to buy paint for the study. Now were're talking 4:30. Heck, I'm usually not even up till like 1!!

The rest of the evening proceded from there, but as it included the usuals (trip to Wendy's, evening in the TV lab, walk around the lake, having to pee more, etc.), I won't bother to talk about all that. Obviously the torture device was the highlight of my day.

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